break(down?)

everything is better after a decent workout. right? RIGHT???
i've been home for exactly a week before i hit the road again (well, the air and the railway tracks really) and spent a week in germany for some data work. now i'm back and have a break of not quite two weeks before the next trip. if people think that i might be running away from something because i can't stay in one place for long - they might actually be right. now that there is some space for rest, at home on my couch, or in the night when trying to sleep, i feel like i'm falling apart. my brain wanders off on some thoughts i'd rather not think about, thoughts that just make me want to run away and hide in some dark corner.
and i'm so sick of not having somebody around the corner who really knows me, knows what's been going on in my life over the last 31 years (10 would do as well), where i could just show up and get a hug.